i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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