If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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