Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
