i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize