Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I supernannyed him into submission
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
