I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
