Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
