either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
