Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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