Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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