Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
