It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
