Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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