My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
