apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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