as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
