you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
