I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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