Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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