using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
