I wish I could teleport
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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