Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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