is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize