Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
