So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sober January is a disaster.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
