he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
