Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
