I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize