official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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