Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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