I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
