I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
