Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize