Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
