i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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