Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize