Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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