I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
