Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize