The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
