dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
