So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
