Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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