Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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