Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
