His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
