last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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