I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
