some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
