i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
