She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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