The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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