Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
