I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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