the condom got lost in my hair
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
