you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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