areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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