what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
