I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
