I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
