the condom got lost in my hair
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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