trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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