September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
