and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
