my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
