Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
