note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize