this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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