i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
