I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
