she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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