so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
