Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize