I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
