all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have feelings that need drinking.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How does one acquire holy water?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
