I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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