dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
