My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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