They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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