That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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