if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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