Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
