i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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