Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
