dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
