We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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