Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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