Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
