If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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