i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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