I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
