guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
