Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The beer is more important than you right now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize