can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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