meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
