I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
