he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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