oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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