Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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