I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
His nipple licking is glorious
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