Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
