I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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