it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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