I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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